


Losing, Being Lost, and Having Lost

by foxesjosten



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Being Lost, Friendship, Humor, Losing, Loss, M/M, having lost, learning to deal with loss, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 05:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19192609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxesjosten/pseuds/foxesjosten
Summary: Three glimpses into three different times that loss, in whatever way or form, has touched Minho’s life.





	Losing, Being Lost, and Having Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a small fic I used to do a bit of a study on loss and how it touches us in different ways. Based off of a writing prompt I saw that simply stated: write about losing/being lost/having lost.

_Losing_

How exactly does one end up stark naked in a shitty lake miles away from home? Depending on who you asked, the answers would be wildly different. Minho’s answer, however, was quite simple. Minho had lost a bet to his friends. His stupid _stupid_ friends.

“You knew the rules when you agreed to a bet, Minho,” Jisung had said and he was right. Minho did know what he was agreeing to. He knew that losing the bet was definitely a possibility, he just didn’t think his friends would hold him to his punishment if he _did_ lose. How was he supposed to know that Woojin could do a hundred push-ups _with_ Jeongin on his back? If anything, the outcome of their bet should have brought about a long past due conversation about Woojin’s freakish strength. But, Minho had been the only person to bet against Woojin and since everyone was broke, there was no money involved in this bet. The deal that everyone agreed to was that the loser(s) would have to skinny dip wherever the winners chose. Minho still doesn’t know why they chose somewhere so far to do this. 

Stupidly enough, Minho had asked himself, _“What could possibly go wrong?”_ Rather than list would _could_ go wrong, Minho decided to list what _did_ go wrong:  
1\. He left his clothes out of his own reach.  
2\. His friends swore they heard someone walking through the woods behind them.  
3\. They decided that it was the cops, because they were technically trespassing. Their so called “realization” leads Minho to number four on his list.  
4\. His friends ran for their lives… _With_ Minho’s clothing.

The “police” that his friends swore were coming was a deer. His friends had abandoned him due to a woodland creature. _How pathetic,_ Minho thinks to himself. Yet again, he is the one alone and naked in a lake. Minho’s fingers were now pruning while he waded in the water, hoping and praying for his friends to return. Now not only had he lost a bet, but he’d lost his clothes. _Yeah okay,_ he thinks, _I might also be a little bit pathetic._

Two hours later, his friends finally come back for him. Woojin apologizes an absurd amount of times as Chan hands him his clothes and says something about him catching his death. _Don’t old ladies only say those kinds of things? What the hell, Chan?_ By that time Minho is freezing, his lips a dark blue and chattering fiercely. Jisung tries to find the humor in the situation which leads Minho to push him in the lake fully clothed. “Well, I bet you find this a little funny now,” Hyunjin jokes as Minho gets dressed. It was true. Now that he wasn’t the only person soaked and freezing, he was able to find a bit of humor in his situation. The more Minho thinks about it, the funnier things get to him as he drifts off to sleep on the car ride home. He lost two things that night, but at least he got something, his clothes, was returned. _If you count him losing his dignity that night then that would be three things lost and two things, eventually, returning._ That is the night that Minho thinks about loss. Sure, loss can tear your world in half. It can break you down until you feel like you can no longer stand, but it doesn’t always work that way. Not every loss has to break you. Not every loss has to be devastating. Sometimes, Minho thinks, losing something can be kinda funny. 

 

_Being Lost_

Things Minho was told: Felix can read a paper map.

Things Minho has come to realize after driving for two hours: Felix cannot, prior to common belief, read a paper map.

“Just pull over!” 

“Ask for directions!” 

“Why don’t we just use gps? Oh right, no one has service. My bad.”

Minho is tempted to tell everyone to zip it or else he’ll turn this car around, except he has no clue where that would take them. Minho had been lost before, but not like this. He’d become the driver of the group, seeing as he was the only one with a license, and had grown comfortable with having eight other people in the car with him. Today, however, it felt like he had eighty other people in the car with everyone trying to talk over each other.

“Guys, shut up!” Seungmin screams. The car falls silent as the others stare wide eyed at their friend. Seungmin had always been one of the quieter ones of the group. _Don’t ask Jeongin though, if anything he would say that Seungmin was the loudest._

“Look, there’s a building coming up on our right. Why don’t we at least pull over into the parking lot so we can regroup and replan our next few hours?” Seungmin suggests to Minho. Minho nods as he begins to slow down. Not only could Seungmin be deemed the quiet one, but Minho also thought of him as a voice of reason in their constant chaos. Minho mouths a “thank you” to Seungmin who smiles at him in the rear-view mirror. The building that Seungmin pointed out ends up being a road stop diner. It was nothing special, but Minho felt thankful that they had stumbled upon a place to eat. Plus, diners were superior food places. Minho had always felt that time moved differently in places like these.

“Alright,” Minho says as he shuts off the car. “We are very _very_ lost right now. I don’t know about you guys but I’m hungry and tired of driving. How about we go inside and get some food instead of sitting in this hot car? We can figure things out while at least getting a decent meal.”

“Gas station convenience store snacks are totally better than decent!” Felix shouts as he clutches a bag of chips to his chest.

“Felix, so help me God get your ass out of this car now!” Minho shouts back.

“Okay, okay! Jeez! You get a guy lost one time and suddenly you’re public enemy number one.” Felix mutters under his breath as he unbuckles his seat belt. 

“Felix, for your own safety please stop talking.” Hyunjin says as he winds an arm around the other boy’s shoulder. Felix pouts, but doesn’t say another word. 

Minho leads the group into the diner and tells the man at the front that they need a table for nine. After two waitresses push a couple tables together, the boys are seated. Menus are passed around and silence falls over the group for only the second time today. Minho knows it won’t last long so he makes sure to truly appreciate it. Soon enough, everyone would pile back in the car and the chaos would once again ensue. During most outings, Chan was seen as the leader of their friend group but when it came to driving somewhere, the leadership position was handed over to Minho. “My car, my rules,” he had once told his friends even though he had never actually enforced any rules. After everyone places their order, conversation begins to pick up again.

“So, what are we gonna do, hyung?” Jeongin asks. There was just a slight bit of worry coloring Jeongin’s words. It was enough concern to be heard. Minho didn’t want Jeongin to be worried about what was going to happen after they left this place. Honestly, he didn’t want Jeongin to be worried about anything. Jeongin was like a younger brother to the whole group. He might have grown up as an older sibling, but that didn’t stop any of their friends from babying him. Concern and worry must have been showing on Minho’s own face if Jeongin had started worrying.

“Well,” Minho starts, “we’re gonna eat our food when it gets here. Then after that, we’re gonna sit for a little while and figure out just how lost we are. We can’t be too far from where we’re meant to be. If worst comes to worst, we’ll head back home. There’s nothing to be worried about.” Jeongin nods at the reassurance from Minho. The tension in his face seems to melt away as his famous, now braceless, smile with returns with ease.

“I’m uh, sorry that I got us so lost. I didn’t mean to ruin the day.” Felix sighs.

“Oh, stop. None of that. So we got lost, big deal! Like I said Lix, we’ll either find our way there or find our way back. Either way, we got to spend the day with each other which was part of the plan. Who cares about the destination when the journey is what really matters?” Minho says.

“God you sound like a shitty Hallmark card.” Changbin says with a laugh. Minho glares at him, but only for a second, before bursting into a fit of laughter. This seems to be the cue that signals to everyone else that it’s okay to laugh. By the time their food arrives, everyone is still laughing. They're loud, rowdy, and probably stay at the diner just a bit too long but no one seems to mind. They were the only group of people in the entire place anyway. After they finish eating, the boys decide that it’s probably in their best interest to head home instead of ending up even more lost. Seungmin catches Minho’s arm on the way to the car and leans in to whisper something. “Cheesy or not, you were right. It really is all about the journey, Minho.” 

Seungmin pats Minho on the back as he heads towards the car. Being the last one out the door of the diner, Minho takes the opportunity to look at all eight of his friends. Hyunjin and Changbin are fighting over the front seat, Felix is already in the car, and everyone else seems to be heading back to their original seats. Minho smiles as he thinks about their day. Sure, they didn’t end up where they were supposed to, but he really did believe what he said. He would take a thousand trips like this over a bunch of successful ones any day. These were the types of moments that they would all remember. Minho knew in a few weeks or months a conversation would be started with, “Hey, remember the time Felix got us super lost?” These were the types of moments he _wanted_ to remember. _Being lost_ didn’t turn out to be so bad.

_Having Lost_

“You can’t just go! You can’t just leave like that!” 

“I can and I am. There’s nothing for me here anymore. I’m leaving, Minho.” Juyeon says as he shoves something else into a suitcase. The fight had started as a normal conversation. Minho can’t even remember how it turned into this, but he wasn’t unfamiliar with a conversation turning into a full out verbal brawl. It seemed to be happening all the time lately between him and his boyfriend. But even Minho knew, this time was different. This fight was bigger and uglier than any of those that he come before today. What Minho didn’t know was that this was the fight that would end his relationship for good.

“There’s nothing here for you anymore? I’m here! I’m standing right in front of you, begging you not to go and that isn’t enough? How can you say there’s nothing here for you?” Minho begs. He feels pathetic begging for Juyeon to stay like this, but he wants Juyeon to stay. He _needs_ Juyeon to stay.

“It’s just not enough to hold me here. This,” Juyeon says motioning between them, “just isn’t enough anymore. One person isn’t enough to tie me to this place for the rest of my life. I’d rather die than get trapped here. If you were smart, you’d move on too. This town is no good for anyone.”

 _One person isn’t enough. I’d rather die. This town is no good for anyone._ Everything Juyeon said is swirling around in Minho’s head. The impact of his words alone is enough to make Minho dizzy. How could you give everything to someone and still not be enough for them? 

“Y-you don’t mean that,” is all Minho can say. He wishes he hadn’t said anything because he knows damn well that Juyeon meant every word he said. _He has to know he’s hurting me. He has to see it. I can’t lose you,_ Minho thinks.

“I can’t be here anymore. It’s no good for anyone.” Juyeon says with a frown. Minho hadn’t even noticed that he’d finished packing. 

Juyeon takes one final look at his boyfriend and says something that Minho won’t process until the next day, _I’m sorry,_ and after that he’s gone. Juyeon had left before, but he had always come back. He’d gone on trips and stayed over at his studio to finish work, but he always made his way back to Minho. But this time was different. This time he was gone for good. 

_He’s coming back. He has to. He always-_ Minho stops himself mid thought. He was smart enough to know that this had been different. He was smart enough to know that he lost tonight and _having lost_ the only boy he had ever been in love with, he makes a call. Minho is smart enough to know that he should not be alone tonight.

-

It takes Changbin fifteen minutes to get to Minho’s apartment. He pounds on the door for five minutes before remembering that he had been given a key for emergencies. He spends another three minutes debating whether this was an emergency or not. The key is used, meaning Changbin has deemed the situation an emergency. He swings the door open in a panic, only to find Minho sitting on the floor a few feet away from the door. 

“Hey.” Changbin says softly as he kneels down in front of his fallen friend. Minho almost looks calm, but Changbin can tell that he is far from it. There’s a storm raging on behind his seemingly vacant eyes. There’s an unknown amount of damage surrounding the two of them. Between the strange phone call he had received from Minho and the emptiness in his eyes, Changbin is not oblivious enough to buy into this false sense of calm. Minho had lost something tonight. That loss hit him like a hurricane and this now, this odd quiet, was the eye of that storm. The silence would only last for so long. Changbin slowly raises a hand to Minho’s cheek at his lack of response.

“Hey,” he starts again. “Can you stand?” Minho nods. _At least he isn’t physically hurt._ He had only said three words to Changbin before hanging up the phone: _I need you._ Changbin had walked into this situation without any knowledge of why Minho needed him, but judging from the stillness in the apartment he could take a guess at what happened. Juyeon had left. He was finally gone and now someone had to pick up the pieces that he had left in his wake. 

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” Changbin asks. 

“Yeah. Yeah, he really is.” Minho replies. 

“What do you need? I’m here now, okay? Whatever you need, I’ll do it.” Changbin says. 

_What do I need?_ Minho asks himself. He could ask Changbin to text Juyeon for him. He could get him to ask Juyeon if he was coming back. He could, but he won’t. Even through the pain, Minho knows that contacting Juyeon isn’t a good idea. No matter how badly he wants to, he pushes down the urge to beg Changbin to make a call to Juyeon because he knows with enough begging that call will be made. Instead, Minho decides to think about what he needs in the moment. “I need you to stay here with me tonight and maybe one or two days after that, if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course it is. I’ll stay as long as you need me to. Is that all?” Changbin asks. “Is there anything else you need?”

_Is that all?_

“Yeah, there is something else I need to do, but it’s nothing you need to worry about. This is something I have to do for myself. Tonight, I just really need you here.” Minho says. 

“I’ll be here all week if you need me,” Changbin says with a smile. “Hey, why don’t you go take a bath to try to relax. I’ll order us some food, my treat.” Minho nods at his friend and heads for the bathroom. Being able to function after everything that had happened tonight was a victory, albeit a small one. It was enough of a win to let him know that he would be able to face tomorrow.

_If you were smart, you’d move on too,_ Juyeon had said to him and he was right. If Minho was smart, and he was, he would move on but not in the way Juyeon had told him to. It would take Minho a while to see, but their town wasn’t what he needed to move on from. Their town wasn’t the problem between him and Juyeon. The problem wasn’t Juyeon’s career or Minho’s friends either. Their problem was something much bigger than all of that and problems that big require effort from _both_ sides in order to truly fix them. Juyeon had given up fighting long before the real battle had even begun. Minho had thought that he had lost Juyeon after he had walked out the door, but after some time he comes to realize that he had lost Juyeon long before their last fight. 

A loss five years in the making was something Minho thought he could never recover from. He’d never understood when people said they “didn’t remember how to be single” after a breakup. He had always assumed that life after a break up would go back to being like life before the relationship. Minho now knew that that was far from the truth. The weight of this loss seems to tug at him every day after it happens. Some days may be easier than others, but the weight is still there even on the good days. The key to loss is learning how to live with it. One needs to learn how to go on after having some part of their life ripped directly out of their hands. It can take weeks, or months, or even years to figure out how to keep on going. But soon enough, Minho finds breathing easier again. He finds himself sleeping through the night without being startled awake by the recurring nightmare depicting Juyeon walking away over and over again. One day, Minho will become whole again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! I know it's super short, but I've had writers block forever so this was kinda a way for me to get over all of that jfvjhdf anyway like I said, I hope you enjoyed this & let me know what you think!
> 
> my social media  
> twitter: strayminhos  
> au writing twitter: straysau


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